How do you know if your settling…?

Recently, love has taken a domineering stance in my life not just my own love life but others peoples as well!!

So I beg to ask the question

How do you know if you’re with the one you love!?

How do you know if this is the person that you’re meant to spend the rest of your life with?

How do you know if you’re settling??

From my point of view I don’t know if I believe in love at first sight. I know I believe in lust at first site but I don’t really believe in love. I wish I did, but I really don’t. Believe me I do want to be proved wrong so bring it universe!!

I don’t really have any answers to this, it really something I’m doing to get something off my chest without really admitting it!! I don’t know if I want the real answer or if I want to live in my bubble of denial. I just know if I write it down it will get it out of my head and hopefully not make me dream of snakes and fields in dark rooms with green paint all over the windows that I have to wipe off before I can look out of them.

Yes, I’ve looked it up and I’ve found out what it all means…….and yes it confirms what I already know lol……

Anyway this was a true and genuine brain fart from me to you folks……..

That’s my story and thanks for listening ūüôā

Netty xx

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Funny isn’t it…..music can change a person

I’m amping myself up to do something that resembles housework, I’ve been sick for the last week and don’t feel like I’m better……as I sit here looking around my apartment I know that doing the housework will make me feel better and less blah but to actually get up off the couch is like climbing Mt Everest, it can be¬†done with guts and determination and a lil’ music!

Everything is better with music, waiting in line at a store or for the bus, sitting having lunch in a park in the sun, rushing to work or even being at work, music makes it all better somehow….I have a music bucket list of bands I’d like to see in my lifetime (I’ll post sometime) and I’m slowly chipping away at the list……

2011 I got to see my two favourite bands……..30 Seconds to Mars (only as¬†part of festival :'{) and Foo Fighters!¬† Though they’re at the top of my bucket list there are so many more old and new artists coming through that I want to see.¬† As well as wanting to see them as many times as I can in my lifetime!!!

My sister and I¬†actually got to see NKOTBSB¬†(New Kids on the Block and Backstreet Boys) recently, now NKOTB¬†is more my sisters generation but because she was my older sister I did what any younger sibling did I annoyingly listen to what she listened too.¬† But, I got to see the Backstreet Boys, I was going to marry Nick Carter we were going to be¬†together forever!¬† Now they’re older and neither of the bands are “kids” or “boys” anymore but the teenage girls came out in us, they actually still have the ability to mesmerize¬†the crowds and have a bunch of¬†25 – 35 year¬†olds jumping up and down ready to fall at their feet and kiss them or more! ;o)

Anyway I’m not going on to say much more really (for another time) this was just a tactic to get out of doing housework and just sit here which is probably what I should do but I need to feel like I’ve achieved something on this long weekend!

Off now to do housework and listen to 30STM while I do it!

Netty xx

“Fate………she’s a fickle b*tch”

Recently, I’ve been watching a new show “Fairly Legal” and in a recent episode the lead female character was asked¬†“Do you believe in fate” she responds “Yes, and fates a very fickle b*tch!”

I sometimes ponder what fate has in store for me……or is it even fate that rules what I do in life, I know I have control but I also believe in a higher power, not necessarily a god but just that there is something that guides us.¬† Recently life has sent me some curve balls, it’s made me contemplate what lays in my future and what I will end up doing in my life.

My life has had its ups and downs but in the bigger scheme of things¬†I’m not starving, I’m not homeless, I have a job and I have love in my life¬†from family and friends.¬† It also feels like¬†I don’t have the right to complain but I do think okay here is a challenge but what is it preparing me for?¬† What (in the long run) does it have in store for me!? How does it apply to my future……

There’s many things in my life that I’m happy about….I live in a great location, I live in a great city, I have friends that I can rely on and things that interest me and that make me happy.¬† But in the big picture I still think……is this my rainbow and will I ever get to that pot of gold at the end of it?!¬† I see people I care about, they’re¬†happy and I think why don’t I have that…….I’m a happy person, I care for others and frankly I feel I have a great heart!¬† I admit I have issues like any normal human being I have walls, I have “daddy” issues, I don’t always put myself first…..but I’ve worked hard to be¬†self aware and deal with my issues.

I’m a true believer that even though you can be¬†surrounded by love and support,¬†you need to know you are the only one that can look after you!¬† I’m not saying you can’t depend on others I just mean that when that last sunset is setting, you are the only one that will be there until the end.¬† You’re the only one that can talk yourself “off the ledge” others help provide the tools you can use to sort yourself out.¬† But maybe all this hard work I feel I’ve put in doesn’t necessarily help me deal with the small stuff.¬† I’m a big picture type of girl, I’m a logical thinking, I think a lil’ too much like a guy in respects to the small stuff.¬† Don’t sweat it, think it out and deal with it and the end result.¬† Maybe that’s the reason I’m starting to think of the future and what lays ahead, what will happen to me and will I get that pot of gold……

Life, well it always works out in the end, I’ll have a job, I’ll pay the bills, I’ll have a roof over my head.¬† Family, for me it’s always going to be there, I’m lucky to say I have a close family we’re a “dysfunctional functional” family.¬† We b*tch, we complain, we sometimes fight or “debate” the¬†issues, then¬†we talk it out!¬† Pretty much the same for friends, they are the family that you choose!¬† So, really it leaves love…..it’s something I’ve been thinking about, not actively it doesn’t absorb every moment but has been in the front of my mind…..some of it has come from friends who have had major changes in their love lives,¬†or that are in good places……

I decided a long time ago that, I was happy to forgo¬†the marriage and kids thing, it really doesn’t matter to me. ¬†I haven’t had any great examples of couples that are successful in their lives of staying together, in this day and age it’s not as common as it use to be,¬†in the “simpler” times, when my parents were first getting together, but even they’ve been separated¬†for many years.¬† So don’t believe that marriage and even kids are the answer.¬† But, I’m happy in my decision that those things don’t matter, as long as I can find and be with the one that I’m meant to be with…….if they happen that’s a great bonus!

Sidebar, watching x-men…..why does Huge Jackman have a shirt on….. ;op

But though I did make that decision early to¬†mid 20’s, it’s actually only been recently in my early 30’s that I’ve accepted that it could happen and be open to it!!¬† The funny thing is since I did make that decision I’ve had a few different situations of guys on the horizon…..none that have panned out but my reactions are different compared to what they were ūüôā I also seem to get more smiles and winks and good vibes from the opposite sex which is great……but I do still think why do I still have these challenges….what will fate deal me will I be alone and just be surrounded by my friends and family and be the infamous bachelorette (with lots of cats ;op).

Whatever fate has in mind,¬†I do hope that she deals my cards sooner, rather than later, I’ve been waiting a long time to find that one and I feel I deserve it, you know the “one”……. ūüôā

Netty xx

Christmas Time

So it’s Christmas time Merry Christmas and all that stuff……

It’s days like today that remind me of what I miss the most my family and friends! ¬†Whether they’re in the same city as me or back home where I’m from, it reminds me not just how much I miss them, but also how much I love them all………..

Once I was asked “How could you have such a big heart?!” ¬†“How could you have so many people that you care about” well I’m afraid it’s the clich√©d answer of my MUM! ¬†She has the biggest heart I know and has taught all her children (biological or otherwise) that no matter what, you accept those even if they don’t accept you and that you must always care, before not caring. ¬†My siblings and I have utilised this strength in different ways but in the end we all do care!

Usually my blogs are spawned from something that’s happened to me in a day, something that makes me need to get it out of my head before it explodes!

I started my christmas holidays early, so have been trying to relax while gearing up for Christmas. ¬†I’ll admit that a majority of my time this season has been spent being a bit of a bah humbug! ¬†I haven’t been able to get into the spirit of christmas……why I don’t know…….times are changing…..2011 has been a bit shit……I’m not feeling it?!

But today that started like any normal non working day, I got up I went and meet a friend for coffee, we gossiped, caught up on life and boys and just had a great catch up….then not long after I said goodbye, I finally checked my phone and I see a message from my good friend K saying “Did you hear about the earthquake? ¬†I hope all your people are ok xxoo”. ¬†Now for starters when I read the first part I thought Earthquake, and?! then I registered “I hope all your people are ok” then it hit!

The earthquake was in my hometown Christchurch once AGAIN and it must have been big enough to hit the headlines! ¬†I had this horrible sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, that made me instantly feel ill and not want to be where I was right at that moment! ¬†As, many months ago, I sent messages…….I checked Facebook…..I waited! ¬†I know that Christchurch has a lot of quakes and recently has become a moot point with most people and the general public who aren’t directly affected but you’ve gotta understand, I may only be a 3 hour flight away but those would be 3 very very long hours, to wait and see everyone, if someone I actually knew was seriously hurt!

It’s amazing you feel this automatic pull towards your loved ones. ¬†It helps you understand when you see viral videos with people doing miraculous¬†feats to save their loved ones…..there are scientific reasons for it I’m sure but for me it’s the love I have for these people that just makes my body and mind race! ¬†Thankfully, as it has been so far, no one was even close to being hurt but I remember when the Sept quake hit and it was okay, that was scary, but okay. ¬†Then, the Feb one came and god it was horrible. ¬†So when you hear that something has happened you get hit with these images that you’ve seen online or in person and remember the messages from friends that you can just hear in their voice they’re so scared and it’s horrible!

With Christmas literally around the corner it makes me so mad that they can’t even get a break at this time of year, yes they’re “use to it” and yes “they’re cantabs they’re resilient” but they’re also my family! ¬†This time of year is meant to be happy for them and fun and not spending hours wondering if they will get a good enough sleep that night! ¬†It just really gives me the shits!

Anyway, I hate the fact that the only time I seem to blog is to vent so maybe I start a different blog for more happier things, photos of loved ones or of things that catch my eye and make me laugh! ¬†It just might happen, maybe this will continue to be my online journal blog, I don’t know but I just wanted to get this out of my head and elsewhere, potentially something I delete cos I think wow you big baby but for now you get to read it since I’m gonna let it go off into cyber space for whoever wants to read it LOL

At this time of year please stay safe…..stay out of trouble but most of all love like you’ve never loved, hope like it’s the only thing that matters, enjoy those little moments with people, enjoy the looks across the room at someone you love and the grin you might get back and just laugh like you’ve never laughed so hard!

Arohanui (Big Love) to the world tonight especially to the lil’ place I call home!

Netty xx

My Queendom…..what has it began…..

Hi Blogging World,

It has been a few months since my last confession…….this is gonna be filled with ramblings and incoherencies that you’ve never seen before ūüôā

So much has been going on but very little at the same time! ¬†I’ve been home to Christchurch for a Rugby World Cup game, moved house (technically twice) and had visitors for 2 weeks!

I recently acquired my “own living” space! ¬†It was a huge step but I’ve taken it and I wouldn’t look back! ¬†I enjoy my own company for say 30mins then I’m good. ¬†But living by myself was a huge decision and one I didn’t make lightly. ¬†It was partially a push because my housemate was moving into a nest of her own with her boy and my need to not look for yet another housemate to share with, then a side of “I’m 31, isn’t this what I’m meant to do?!” which helped me make that step.

It’s a beautiful abode, full of my personal touches and everything is mine, everything stays where it is and when I can’t find anything it’s because I put it somewhere. ¬†No struggles with how do I deal with this situation, how can I approach that person. ¬†I’ve enjoyed my time, sharing with others, but it was time for me to spread my wings and glide for a while……in between I did an “Occupy¬†Bombitas” a good friend of mine who allowed me to crash at her pad while I waited for my home to be ready! ¬†But it was worth the couple of weeks of being “homeless”.

Then, I got to go home back to Christchurch in order to go to a RWC (Rugby World Cup) game! ¬†Highlight of my sporting fandom life! ¬†I’m a huge fan of sport, I can sit and watch most things only restricted by how much of an attention span I have on the day! ¬†But to experience the atmosphere of a game was great!

Then, recently I had visitors, 2 of the lil’ kind and 2 of the bigger more parental size ūüôā ¬†My best friend and her family came to stay, the best thing about living by myself is being able to have visitors and not having to consult anyone about how long they’re staying, them being able to freely lounge around the place and not worry about standing on toes.

Living by myself also creates more of an opportunity for lets just say what I affectionately call “talk to myself” situations! What is it about living by yourself that spawns such behaviour! ¬†It’s not that I walk around answering myself but I definitely have a running commentary going on, sometimes with objects LOL I mean it’s like an age thing right?! ¬†I’ve noticed that as I get older I talk to myself more….now before fingers of judgement are pointed, I know you all do it, don’t even try it! ¬†But is it me living by myself that has made situations increase or age……

It’s funny, recently I celebrated yet another year on this earth and I look back and wonder what have I really done!? ¬†I have family and friends who love and care for me in their own ways, some more then others, but all in all I’m generally happy! ¬†I have those key people in my life that I can well sing “one….two…..three you can count on me” and know they’re there. ¬†But, then I think what else is there, I wake up….go to work….come home and repeat when neccessary….living by yourself can increase the thought process of what else is there….

So, I’ve decided that I will attempt to expand my horizons, enjoy this ultimate “me” time! ¬†I, like many others in life have bridges to build and cross. ¬†Mainly, for me, that significant other, there’s many opportunities I haven’t seized but I can tell you if anything this whole “grown up” thing has forced me into a reality I haven’t had before. ¬†I haven’t lived at home properly in many years, but I’ve always had the excuse of housemates, friends or family being around. ¬† Now, that it’s just me, it helps to reassess what and how I do things. ¬†Do I want to be the eternal bachelorette or do I want to share this experience with someone else……..of course its the latter…

I’ve always had this wall and many excuses for it to stay up but when you live by yourself, you have this new ability, to really find yourself. ¬†I’ve worked very hard to get where I am as a person and I like to think that person is quite an awesome person to a degree. ¬†But, I still have the ability to not allow others, more specifically, the opposite sex to see! ¬†But, since I’ve moved, it’s like this new sense of power to “get my life on track”. ¬†Which I think it’s great!

Point in case, there’s a guy I met recently now, nothing has happened, I don’t oooohhhhhh like him, but I have a good vibe but what I find most entertaining to myself is that I’m more open to him……now, is it that I’m just allowing myself to be myself and screw the rest…….so where has it come from…..besides living by myself there’s been no significant change in my life! ¬†But, I’m enjoying the change!

Then there’s the “I don’t care” attitude that I’ve adopted. ¬†Those that know me know that it use to take a lot for me not to care. ¬†When I say that I don’t mean I don’t care cos to a degree care. ¬†Whether it be absent people in my life or others issues/problems. ¬†I just mean I don’t care to the point that I don’t allow it to consume my life anymore. ¬†I don’t have this need to have drama or have others dramas affect me! ¬†I just don’t care, I mean when I need to I’ll put my 2 cents in and help out but otherwise I don’t sit for ages thinking bout it. ¬†I have my weak moments but I now allocated the time that I allow myself to over analyse it. ¬†Where is, years ago, I would have let it consume me and never let it go!

Who knows it’s probably a combination of wiser times and a new-found independence, even a touch of learning from others that are wise and independent that teach me with out me even realising….whatever it is I think my new Queendom has helped me progress in life!

Anyway, that’s my story thanks for reading

Netty xx

 

 

By Asknetty Posted in Life

Blessings in life…..

The last week I’ve felt so angry and stressed and totally unhappy……

I thought it from various things happening in my life and to a degree it is but a co-worker and fellow New Zealander made me fully aware of what it probably was….worry….

I felt good today for the first time in a week but I had a headache, it was your typical stress headache, I’d moseyed down to the other end of my floor it was a beautiful day it had been going smoothly. ¬†My work mate asked how I was and I said “fine just a bit of headache” he looked at me and said “It’s worry” and it dawned on me all I’d been feeling was down to worry.

But, yes I’m worried, after more quakes back in Christchurch I worry, about my friends and my family. ¬†We’re a close family and my friends are family and I just don’t understand why does this have to happen. ¬†It’s hard, my family doesn’t live in an area that is directly affected they all work in places that are “safe” and workable. ¬†They still have their livelihood and still live a “normal” life. ¬†But you get a bit antsy when you’re emailing your big brother on quite a frequent and regular period then he disappears on you then comes back 15-20 mins later and just causally says “sorry just got evacuated, but all good now :)”. ¬†I mean seriously…..

Then the most common message I get from my mother is “that was a big one but all is good heard from your brothers they’re fine” or your father that you scarcely hear from calls to say he’s okay…..then you’re friends and families Facebook updates are “f**k that was a big one” or “enough already the kids are scared” it really just makes your heart sink.

When you read reports of an icon of your city being ripped down during the quake now having to be demolished….I know it’s a building but for a¬†Cantabrian it’s a symbol of heart, hope and our spirit. ¬†To have it taken down just breaks your heart!

You think of something you’ve seen almost every day of your life and you realise how much you actually miss it when you have the potential of never seeing it again or at least the idea of it being in a different part of the city even makes my heart heavy. ¬†But I like the true spirit showing of the reason they wanna move it, to keep it in it’s true place in the heart of the city.

That’s what I’ve been shown lately is just how big not only Canterbury’s heart is but NZ’s and well the whole world!!!

But, I have to say now it’s a very funny common procedure now when you meet someone new or talking to people who aren’t quite sure where you’re from.

It’s like this……

“So where in NZ are you from”

“Ummmm, Christchurch”

Head tilts……face drops…..a lil’ squint of the eyes….you know what they’re thinking and then the typical response…..

“Oh, I’m sorry…..that’s really hard…..do you have family there”

“Yes”

“Are they…….”

“Yes, they’re fine, we’re very blessed that no one was hurt”

“Well that’s good!”

It’s a funny, common occurence and I realise that they are just concerned. ¬†It warms me to think that people, complete strangers have concern for you. ¬†It’s a weird situation to wonder not once we’ve recovered but when will this stop. ¬†Who knows when it’ll stop, I hope for my family and friends that it will but for now people have to use “Fight or Flight” methods. ¬†Do you stay or do you go…..I understand that those who live in the “War Zone” want to leave and to be honest if they stay in their areas they’re stronger than I think I would be….but for them I feel sorrow and pain as they’re having to leave their home not just a house but a home. ¬†Somewhere they put their kids to sleep or where they’ve shared many memories of their life.

I realise how lucky my family and I are that no one has been hurt that I directly know and that they have a roof over their heads and work to put money in their pockets to put food in their bellies. ¬†I have to remind myself that tho I’m having a hard day that there are others having a worse day.

I’m not blind to think that devastation doesn’t happen in the rest of the world and I have to admit I’m not sure what’s happening in other places, like Japan and Haiti and even in Chile where others are feeling loss. ¬†I admit that I intentionally try not to watch the news or read the paper because of all the bad that out ways the good. ¬†I admit that the only time I do search the net for a snippet of news is when I hear something has happened back home. ¬†But I know it’s not because I don’t want to know but I just don’t have enough room in my heart of soul to feel for others around the world when the stress I feel is coming from what is happening in my hometown. ¬†It’s not a selfish thing I know but I like to think I’m a worldly person that cares for all but now this is where my intentions are now. ¬†I think they’d understand…..

I recently had to make the decision to put down one of my fur babies last week, Oscar had gotten really ill and it turned out that he had cancer, it was a hard decision to make cos the selfish side of me wanted him to wait until September when I go home next but I know it was the right thing to do. ¬†But, it makes me sad that yet another thing won’t be the same when I go home. ¬†But what will stay the same is that it’s always gonna be home and I hope that those how have left will return one day when the earth stops moving and the city starts rebuilding. ¬†I know it can happen and it will!

Here’s a picture of my baby he was so beautiful and had a great heart!

Well, that’s my story…..thanks for reading!

Nettyxx

Christchurch Telethon

So as I sit here watching a live stream of the Telethon being held for my hometown it just gives my heart a whole lot of love!

This is only a quick blog to say that tho there are crappy things happening in this world this kinda thing helps.

It makes me think of all the love being shown now!

If you’ve got the time today check out the live stream of the telethon and this is also where you can donate ūüėÄ

Livestream: http://www.livestream.com/riseupchristchurch

To donate in NZD: https://riseup.org.nz/donate

Think of others and remember how blessed you are!

Arohanui (BIG LOVE) to the world today!

Nettyxx

AAA’S “Meeting” I love my friends

Ok so just got home from a great dinner catch up with friends……….my AAA’S meeting which is like¬†therapy to me!

Basic low down…..3 of us have names that start with A and then 1 of us with S……we laugh so hard and its true laughter is the best medicine!

All 4 of us are from completely different worlds and have different points of views on life and the world in general, but we all just get on…..we have 2 blondes and 2 brunettes, 2 skinny and 2 “curvy”, 2 single and 2 non-single…..I think you get it we’re from different places!

I always get so excited to see these girls we talk about a lot of crap and give a lot of crap!¬† We get into conversations that make no sense but by the end of it, after we’ve talked a bunch of shit, it all makes sense to us…..we swear we’ve almost been¬†kicked out of so many restaurants for our cackling and foul language!

We don’t even necessarily drink we just mesh so well that we have a natural high…..we hate to say goodbye but we know we have to get home!

I just love these girls!¬† They make me happy and the weird thing is we balance each other out….when someone has not been able to come to our “meeting” we’ve tried subs but they just don’t get us!¬† We find that it’s unbalanced and that people think we’re crazy….no they’re not random¬†people off the street, they’re just other¬†friends of ours…..we’ve had so many misses on subs that we’ve given up! ¬†We know we’re destined to be together forever and you know what wouldn’t have it any other way!¬† I know these girls will forever be with me in mind and spirit and in my heart!

I love me girls and can’t wait for our next “meeting”!

Netty xx

Healthy lifestyle brings healthy life

Hey all,

So this isn’t the second time I’ve worked out but it’s been a while between me trying LOL…..

Working out and being healthy give you a better outlook on life, so why do we not do it more often……in my opinion we’ve become a lazy, everything at the tip of our fingers type society! Technology has made us lazy and we’ve allowed ourselves to become lazy!

Well that’s my story and I’m sticking with it ūüėČ

I did the unthinkable tonight I came home, changed and headed straight out to the GYM! I went on the cross trainer, rower, treadmill and even managed a small upper body workout! I’m on the after Gym high……my problem is how will I feel in the morning…..I’m great once I get into it and a get a routine going but those first few weeks or so of getting into that routine are the hardest!

I know it’s probably the same for everyone but you know when you’ve battled all your life with your weight it’s always a success to go once let alone constantly…..I also have a short attention span at the moment so going to the gym is just irritating cos I get bored then I don’t stay long then I feel like it’s a waste of time! So variety is the key for me at the moment!!

My sister recently completed her Personal Training Cert and she’s needing some motivation too, so we’re gonna train together. But, she’s away living it up in Bali so that will be two weeks until that will happen so it’s up to me to “change it up” for myself. And really that’s where it comes from your motivation within yourself. It’s like all aspects of your life really. Only you can make it happen! Tho I do draw inspiration from others like my friend N whose been motivating herself to go at 8pm and I think if she can so can I!

Anyway that’s my brain fart for the night it’s getting past my bedtime and I require a cup of peppermint tea and to bury myself in bed and watch an episode of “Lie to Me” before I fall asleep to start a new day ūüėÄ

Have a good sleep if you’re on my side of the world and Good day to everyone else where ūüėÄ

Netty xx

P.s if you’re looking at sorting yourself out I’ve found this website/app very helpful in monitoring my food intake cos that’s a huge part of it…..http://www.myfitnesspal.com/

By Asknetty Posted in Life

Day one of my healthy lifestyle…..

Today was going to be my day of eating healthy and being healthy to have all over healthiness!

So……..

Don’t make me laugh!¬† I woke up late and feeling shattered, I got up and had a quick shower and left for work (NO BREAKFAST) and then was hungry so grabbed a gluten-free muffin, a fruit one ;o)

Got to work and made a coffee and¬†are my muffin, I’d already decided I was going to walk home, so what’s a muffin…then ate my lunch later on and went for a walk to get out of the office.

Big mistake, I got caught in a freak storm and¬†got drenched, grabbed something else to eat on the way back to the office, trying to be healthy had some sushi then stopped at the news agent and ended up grabbing a chocolate bar.¬† Got back to work, still drenched and finished my day out…..yes eating the chocolate bar…..then I suited up to walk home.

I’d organised to leave early and as I was¬†getting ready to go, another freak storm comes running through so that put an end to walking home…..I decide I’ll get something healthy for dinner and headed home.¬† I’d decided to cook soup…..than¬†the meat didn’t smell right and I over cooked the pasta so it all fell apart.¬† Then there was more veggies/pasta then soup sauce stuff and it wasn’t my best soup.¬† So, I gave up and cracked open a packed of choc-dipped rice cakes……I give in…..for today that is ūüôā

Back into it tomorrow, what can you do but solider on and make sure you don’t allow simple things to get in the way of you making a better you!

Netty xx