Hi Blogging World,
It has been a few months since my last confession…….this is gonna be filled with ramblings and incoherencies that you’ve never seen before 🙂
So much has been going on but very little at the same time! I’ve been home to Christchurch for a Rugby World Cup game, moved house (technically twice) and had visitors for 2 weeks!
I recently acquired my “own living” space! It was a huge step but I’ve taken it and I wouldn’t look back! I enjoy my own company for say 30mins then I’m good. But living by myself was a huge decision and one I didn’t make lightly. It was partially a push because my housemate was moving into a nest of her own with her boy and my need to not look for yet another housemate to share with, then a side of “I’m 31, isn’t this what I’m meant to do?!” which helped me make that step.
It’s a beautiful abode, full of my personal touches and everything is mine, everything stays where it is and when I can’t find anything it’s because I put it somewhere. No struggles with how do I deal with this situation, how can I approach that person. I’ve enjoyed my time, sharing with others, but it was time for me to spread my wings and glide for a while……in between I did an “Occupy Bombitas” a good friend of mine who allowed me to crash at her pad while I waited for my home to be ready! But it was worth the couple of weeks of being “homeless”.
Then, I got to go home back to Christchurch in order to go to a RWC (Rugby World Cup) game! Highlight of my sporting fandom life! I’m a huge fan of sport, I can sit and watch most things only restricted by how much of an attention span I have on the day! But to experience the atmosphere of a game was great!
Then, recently I had visitors, 2 of the lil’ kind and 2 of the bigger more parental size 🙂 My best friend and her family came to stay, the best thing about living by myself is being able to have visitors and not having to consult anyone about how long they’re staying, them being able to freely lounge around the place and not worry about standing on toes.
Living by myself also creates more of an opportunity for lets just say what I affectionately call “talk to myself” situations! What is it about living by yourself that spawns such behaviour! It’s not that I walk around answering myself but I definitely have a running commentary going on, sometimes with objects LOL I mean it’s like an age thing right?! I’ve noticed that as I get older I talk to myself more….now before fingers of judgement are pointed, I know you all do it, don’t even try it! But is it me living by myself that has made situations increase or age……
It’s funny, recently I celebrated yet another year on this earth and I look back and wonder what have I really done!? I have family and friends who love and care for me in their own ways, some more then others, but all in all I’m generally happy! I have those key people in my life that I can well sing “one….two…..three you can count on me” and know they’re there. But, then I think what else is there, I wake up….go to work….come home and repeat when neccessary….living by yourself can increase the thought process of what else is there….
So, I’ve decided that I will attempt to expand my horizons, enjoy this ultimate “me” time! I, like many others in life have bridges to build and cross. Mainly, for me, that significant other, there’s many opportunities I haven’t seized but I can tell you if anything this whole “grown up” thing has forced me into a reality I haven’t had before. I haven’t lived at home properly in many years, but I’ve always had the excuse of housemates, friends or family being around. Now, that it’s just me, it helps to reassess what and how I do things. Do I want to be the eternal bachelorette or do I want to share this experience with someone else……..of course its the latter…
I’ve always had this wall and many excuses for it to stay up but when you live by yourself, you have this new ability, to really find yourself. I’ve worked very hard to get where I am as a person and I like to think that person is quite an awesome person to a degree. But, I still have the ability to not allow others, more specifically, the opposite sex to see! But, since I’ve moved, it’s like this new sense of power to “get my life on track”. Which I think it’s great!
Point in case, there’s a guy I met recently now, nothing has happened, I don’t oooohhhhhh like him, but I have a good vibe but what I find most entertaining to myself is that I’m more open to him……now, is it that I’m just allowing myself to be myself and screw the rest…….so where has it come from…..besides living by myself there’s been no significant change in my life! But, I’m enjoying the change!
Then there’s the “I don’t care” attitude that I’ve adopted. Those that know me know that it use to take a lot for me not to care. When I say that I don’t mean I don’t care cos to a degree care. Whether it be absent people in my life or others issues/problems. I just mean I don’t care to the point that I don’t allow it to consume my life anymore. I don’t have this need to have drama or have others dramas affect me! I just don’t care, I mean when I need to I’ll put my 2 cents in and help out but otherwise I don’t sit for ages thinking bout it. I have my weak moments but I now allocated the time that I allow myself to over analyse it. Where is, years ago, I would have let it consume me and never let it go!
Who knows it’s probably a combination of wiser times and a new-found independence, even a touch of learning from others that are wise and independent that teach me with out me even realising….whatever it is I think my new Queendom has helped me progress in life!
Anyway, that’s my story thanks for reading